You may have wondered where I’ve been, or maybe you haven’t. It was a terribly rough year in 2023. After losing my husband in May, I kind of sat back and gave myself some grace, trying to figure out what my life looks like now. To say I have lost my center would be a gross understatement.
My husband and I never should have been together, but there we were. He was 18 years older than me, and not healthy when I met him. He was retirement age. I had years to go. He was shorter than me, though not by much. I still miss him saying “tall girl, come get this off the shelf for me.” He was my rock. My sounding board (he LOVED work gossip!). My encourager in chief — after many years of thinking about it, I finally finished my bachelor’s degree, then got my master’s, then quit working, all in pretty rapid succession. He was my person, and I was his.
But it was about more than losing the love of my life. I had lost my mom 18 months before my husband, and my dad 18 months before that. My brother had died a couple of years before my dad. Then I had to have my son’s dog euthanized while he was on vacation, and shortly after, my own dog. Like I’ve told people this year, the mortality rate is pretty high in my milieu — you may not want to get too close!
That being said, when you marry someone 18 years older than you, you do know that the odds are that you will outlive them, so I pretty much knew what the future would be from the beginning. I had a few trial runs whilst he was in the hospital before he passed, because he was gone for weeks at a time. Truth be told, he was in the hospital MUCH more than he was home for the last three months. So I knew what was coming, especially because I was a nurse. That doesn’t mean a darned thing to that monster called grief, because it rears its head and doesn’t let go easily. Pack on top of it the multiple losses on top of the loss of my husband, and I needed a minute.
So I stepped back, pondered, cried, took some trips, moved a stepson out, moved a son in (both a very good thing), and am trying to get my house in order now, in more ways than one. I have lots to share, so expect to see me back, for better or for worse. And if you too are clinging for dear life against the tide of grief, I see you. I understand. I hope that you have as awesome a support network as I do, and if you don’t, that’s ok. Reach out to me. I’ll listen.
Tomorrow I am off to see the Downton Abbey exhibit in Chicago, so I’ll be back with lots to tell you.
Until then,
Lisa
The Vintage Fashion Librarian 